Family Dynamics and Social Relationships at University

Introduction

Family dynamics vary widely and can affect your university experience in different ways. For some, these relationships may shape social connections on campus. No matter your circumstances, you are not alone—support is available.

This page, developed by students, researchers, and professionals, is tailored for students navigating university life while managing complex family relationships, whether living with or away from family.

Understanding Family Dynamics and Social Connection

Family relationships can be challenging, and around 1 in 6 students report difficulties with their family [1]. Students without supportive family connections are more likely to feel lonely at university [2; 3], especially during the first term [4]. Research also shows that frequent negative interactions with family—such as overprotective, controlling, or academically demanding parents—can harm mental health, academic performance, and make forming relationships at university more difficult [5; 6; 7]. With 1 in 3 students now living with family [8], these dynamics can become even more intense [9].

Building a Plan of Action

Here are some actions that may help. These steps can overlap and complement each other, though some may be more relevant to your situation. You may have heard similar advice before—while it can be frustrating to hear the same suggestions, we share them because they’ve helped many students in similar situations. Feel free to try, adjust, or revisit them as needed.

  • Moving to university often means transitioning to greater independence. It's important to reflect on your personal needs and boundaries and strive to maintain them from the outset. Setting boundaries retrospectively can be more challenging once they've been crossed. For guidance on establishing boundaries, read this blog post: How to Set Boundaries with Family: The Definitive Guide.

  • It is important to identify topics that trigger conflict within your family or make you feel targeted or bad about yourself. Once you've identified these, plan how to approach and manage them. If certain topics are likely to arise, it is helpful to consider how to protect your well-being in those moments.

  • When emotions rise, make a respectful but firm exit from the conversation. You could say, "I'm not sure if this is productive. Let's leave it there." This can prevent escalation and help distance you from any aggression in the argument.

  • Your family may struggle with the changing dynamics of your relationship. Try to understand their perspective while keeping them updated on your own terms. However, remember that trust is reciprocal. If the effort is consistently one-sided, it may be time to reconsider how you want to move forward in the relationship.

Ask a Friend

Complexity of Family Relationships: Through a short story, Artemis, an undergraduate student, conveys how complex and difficult family relationships can be. (Read Time: 5 minutes)

Setting Boundaries: Naa discusses what it is like to go to university and navigate life as the eldest child of the household, touching upon how the boundaries between the self and family can sometimes blur. (Read Time: 5 minutes)

Growing Accustomed to Change: Sam talks about the experience of moving back home from university and how this might impact family relationships as everyone struggles to get used to the change. (Read Time: 5 minutes)

Invalidation of Mental Health Struggles: An anonymous blog details how hard it can be to have parents who invalidate mental health struggles and cause you to question the legitimacy of your problems. (Read Time: 5 minutes)

Share Your Story: Help fellow students learn from your experiences and feel less alone. Contribute to Student Minds, the UK’s leading student mental health charity, and ensure your voice reaches those who need it most.

What Other Support Is Available?

  • Student Minds was founded by our principal investigator, Dr Nicola Byrom, and is the UK's largest student mental health charity. It has regular blogs, resources, and advice posted by university students for university students.

  • Created by the Charlie Waller Trust, this seven-page transition-to-university guide is for students who have experienced adversity in childhood, including poor relationships between and with parents.

  • Holidays can be especially challenging if you have a difficult relationship with family. Student Space has a series of resources on managing your wellbeing during this time. Read their articles on going home for winter break, managing wellbeing during holidays and preparing to go back to university.

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  1. Komter, A., Voorpostel, M., & Pels, T. (2011). Not Accepted by the Family: “Being Difficult” or “Being Different”? Journal of Family Issues, 32(2), 237-263. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X10377065

  2. Bowman, N., Jarratt, L., Jang, N. & Bono, T. (2018). The Unfolding of Student Adjustment During the First Semester of College. Research in Higher Education, 60(1), 273–292. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11162-018-9535-x

  3. Alsubaie, M., Stain, H., Webster, L. & Wadman, R. (2019). The Role of Sources of Social Support on Depression and Quality of Life for University Students. International Journal of Adolescence and Youth, 24(4), 484-496, https://doi.org/10.1080/02673843.2019.1568887

  4. Henninger, W., Anastasia, O., Eshbaugh, E. & Madigan, C. (2016). Perceived Social Support and Roommate Status as Predictors of College Student Loneliness. Journal of College and University Student Housing, 42(2), 46-59.

  5. Gandarillas, M., Elvira-Zorzo, M. & Rodríguez-Vera, M. (2024). The Impact of Parenting Practices and Family Economy on Psychological Wellbeing and Learning Patterns in Higher Education Students. Psychology: Research and Review. 37, 8, 1-17. https://doi.org/10.1186/s41155-024-00291-5

  6. Rubin, M., & Kelly, B. (2015). A Cross-Sectional Investigation of Parenting Style and Friendship as Mediators of the Relation Between Social Class and Mental Health in a University Community. International Journal for Equity in Health, 14 (1), 87-98. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12939-015-0227-2

  7. Covarrubias, R., Romero, A., & Trivelli, M. (2015). Family achievement guilt and mental wellbeing of college students. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 24(7), 2031–2037. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-014-0003-8

  8. Adams, R. (2023) One in three of England’s University Starters ‘may live at home’ this year, The Guardian. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/education/2023/aug/10/one-in-three-of-englands-university-starters-may-live-at-home-this-year (Accessed: 27 September 2024).

  9. Hall, S., & Zygmunt, E. (2021). “I Hate It Here”: Mental Health Changes of College Students Living with Parents During the COVID-19 Quarantine. Emerging Adulthood, 9(5), 449 - 461. https://doi.org/10.1177/21676968211000494