Social Expectations vs Reality at University

Introduction

Starting university is often filled with excitement, big dreams, and high expectations for new social opportunities, academic challenges, and personal growth. But once you're there, the reality may hit that it's not always as easy—or glamorous—as shown in the movies. Not every student experiences university the same way.

This page, co-created by students, researchers, and professionals, is designed to help you navigate these differences and set realistic goals to thrive in your new environment.

Understanding Social Expectations and Belonging

Research shows that university students often have particularly high expectations for their social life and activities at university [1; 2; 3]. Our findings suggest that many students don't experience the quantity, quality, or immediacy of social connections they expect, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness. This is often tied to the belief that friendships at university will form as easily as they did in school, where proximity and shared routines played a major role. However, with the larger and more complex university environment, students may underestimate the effort required to build new friendships.

The limited information provided about the realities of university life further shapes these unrealistic expectations, making the adjustment more difficult. The 2017 Reality Check report by Unite Students concluded that better pre-arrival communication, information, and engagement are needed to align students' expectations of higher education with reality.

Building a Plan of Action

Here are some actionable steps that might help. Each step can overlap and build on the others, but certain parts may be more relevant to your situation. Feel free to try something out, then revisit and adjust as needed.

  • Building meaningful friendships takes time and effort. Initial interactions might not lead to deep connections right away, and that's perfectly normal. It's also helpful to recognise that the university community is constantly changing—students come and go, and relationships may evolve over time. Being open to this fluidity can help manage expectations and reduce disappointment.

  • University academics are often quite different from what you’ve experienced before, and it’s normal to face challenges. Setting realistic academic goals and being prepared for setbacks can help you stay motivated and reduce stress.

  • Regularly evaluate your social and academic expectations. Are they based on realistic assumptions? Consider journaling your thoughts to track how your expectations evolve over time.

  • This could be with friends, family, or mentors, whose perspectives can offer valuable insights and help you adjust your expectations to better align with the realities of university life.

  • Write down specific, achievable goals for both the social and academic aspects of university life. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks to help you prioritise the areas that matter most to you.

  • Upper-year students can offer practical advice and share their experiences, helping you set realistic expectations and navigate university life. If available, consider joining a formal mentorship program, where you’ll be paired with experienced students who can provide guidance and support. Having a mentor can foster a sense of belonging, reduce feelings of isolation, and offer valuable academic support.

  • Be prepared to adapt your expectations as you gain more experience and insight into university life. This flexibility can help you cope with unexpected challenges and changes. You might also try cognitive restructuring techniques, such as reframing negative thoughts into more positive ones. For example, instead of thinking, "I’ll never make friends," consider, "It takes time to build meaningful relationships." Developing resilience can help you navigate setbacks more effectively.

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The Freshers Reality: Lucy reflects on how her expectations of freshers compared to reality, addressing a letter to her fresher self. (Read Time: 5 minutes)

No Secret Formula to Socialising: (TW: Mention of death) Charlotte highlights the importance of remembering that everyone’s university experience is unique and there is no secret formula or ideal experience that can lead a student to have a good time (Read Time: 5 minutes)

Adjusting Expectations: Ginger walks us through her journey of adjusting her expectations of university after the pandemic began (Read Time: 5 minutes)

Navigating Clubbing Pressure: Focusing especially on the expectation of clubbing every night during the first year of university and how that affects well-being, Tamsin writes about how she navigated this experience. (Read Time: 5 minutes)

Unmet Expectations at University: Rodrigo discusses the unique challenges of having unmet expectations as a study abroad student and how he managed them. (Read Time: 5 minutes)

University Stereotypes and Expectations: Lydia talks about how university stereotypes cause students to have unrealistic expectations about friendships and other aspects of university life. (Watch Time: 13 minutes)

Share Your Story: Help fellow students learn from your experiences and feel less alone. Contribute to Student Minds, the UK’s leading student mental health charity, and ensure your voice reaches those who need it most.

What Other Support Is Available?

  • Student Minds was founded by our principal investigator, Dr Nicola Byrom, and is the UK's largest student mental health charity. It has regular blogs, resources, and advice posted by university students for university students.

  • This article by Student Space discusses ways to manage university expectations, highlighting that they are more manageable when they are flexible and balanced. (Read time: 5 minutes)

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Check Out Our Sources:

  1. Balloo, K. (2018). In-Depth Profiles of the Expectations of Undergraduate Students Commencing University: A Q Methodological Analysis. Studies in Higher Education, 43 (12), 2251–2262. https://doi.org/10.1080/03075079.2017.1320373  

  2. Kahu, E., Nelson, K., & Picton, C. (2016). “I'm Excited!” ‘Student Expectations Prior to Starting Their First Year at University.  2016 Student Transitions Achievement Retention and Success Handbook and Proceedings. http://unistars.org/papers/STARS2016/10A.pdf

  3. Hughes, G., & Smail, O. (2014). Which Aspects of University Life Are Most and Least Helpful in the Transition to HE? A Qualitative Snapshot of Student Perceptions. Journal of Further and Higher Education, 39(4), 466–480. https://doi.org/10.1080/0309877X.2014.971109